


under pressure?

by brontidepng



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Best Friends, Comfort, Crushes, F/F, Mariana-centric, No Plot, Worry, i genuinely didnt have a plot, i'm sorry's, idk what im doing, its just a random mesh of stuff, its really more about the friendship with a hint of crushes, yea theres none of that here, you know that thing in writing where its like plot plot plot climax end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brontidepng/pseuds/brontidepng
Summary: “Mariana, you’ve got to be more careful.”// An argument, a compromise, and a small show of feelings.





	under pressure?

“Mariana, you’ve got to be more careful.”

Mariana let out a big sigh, stretching her arms and giving them small shake to ease her aching body. A loud thud echoed as she sat hard on the bench. It was a small room full of lockers and scattered derby gear from the other girls, making the room seem messy. She nudged a scuffed knee-pad on the floor away from her. As she chanced a glance at her best friend, the room felt even smaller as Emma pointed her glare at Mariana.

Honestly, she can’t believe the hypocrisy coming out of Emma’s mouth.

“I can’t believe you’re saying that,” she leveled a glare that rivalled Emma’s. “You’re such a hypocrite. You’re in this too.” Emma scoffed, earning another heated scowl from Mariana.

“Yeah, I know that. But you’re our jammer. You need to be careful so you don’t hurt yourself more than you already do.”

“ I - “

“I know what you’re going to say, Mariana. ‘I'm _being_ careful.’ ” She gave her not-so-accurate impression of Mariana, copying her indignant expression.

“Hey! I don’t sound - “

“Stop interrupting me, please. You need to listen to me, Mariana. You’re doing the same thing that you did with STEAM. You’re not the only one a part of this team, okay?” Emma’s voice softened. “You need to let us help you. Which means taking a break once in a while, and maybe letting other jammers take your place.”

“But - “ Mariana fidgeted. She turned away from Emma’s gaze, looking past a very nasty purple bruise on her thigh. She’s definitely not wearing shorts anytime soon.

“Damn it, Mariana. No buts. You can’t keep doing this. Not thinking about yourself hurts us too. It hurts me. Come on, I can’t keep seeing you like this.” Emma tried to keep her voice controlled but her voice cracked at the end, her hands trembling, unnoticeable by anyone but Mariana.

Her emotion surprised both of them. Mariana opened her mouth to say something - anything - but nothing came out. Silence crept into the room, oozing in a strained atmosphere, as they both slowly tensed. Just as Mariana looked up and towards Emma, all she could see was the back of Emma’s figure as she walked speedily towards the exit. Mariana tried to stand and stop her, but she stayed rooted to the bench, realising that she needs to let Emma go for now.

Mariana slowly stood up, and took a deep breath. She began slipping off her wrist guards, elbow pads, and knee pads; leaving them near her discarded helmet and roller skates below the bench. She took another deep breath. She thought about what Emma said. Mariana took the leadership role aggressively, and looked what happened. The STEAM team took off to Worlds without her, despite knowing what a valuable coder Mariana was. She let out another big sigh, this time annoyed at her past actions rather than the ache in her body. She grabbed all her gear, and brought it to her locker, stuffing them into the tightly-packed space. As she began stuffing her stuff into the locker, she noticed the bruises that littered across her left arm. It looked really bad, a lot more bruises than what’s normal for a jammer.

She put a finger to one, and pressed down. It started to sting, getting more and more painful as she pushed harder. She pressed it until it stung so much, her eyes began to tear up. Honestly, when she thought about it, the pain felt similar: from when she was a jammer, and even when she was the leader of the STEAM team (albeit it was more emotional rather than physical). She put too much pressure on herself. Too much pressure on her bruises, too much pressure on herself.

She thinks that Emma might be right, she needs to take care of herself.

 

~~

 

 **19:04 Mariana:** Hey, can we talk?

 **19:05 Mariana:** Pleaseeee xo

 **19:05 Mariana:** Emma

 **19:05 Mariana:** Emma

 **19:06 Mariana:** Ems

 **19:06 Mariana:** ems come on

 

Mariana dropped her phone to her bedside table. And then picked it up again, hoping for a reply, quickly realising there was no new notification on her phone.

“You know, you only just put your phone away like a second ago,” Callie said, exasperated while watching Mariana. “Did you do something stupid?” she asked suspiciously.

“Hey! Why do you automatically assume I did something wrong?” Callie opened her mouth, and Mariana interrupted her. “You know what, don’t answer that.” She flopped onto her bed, exaggerating her long sigh. Callie gave her a pointed look. Mariana dragged her hand down her face, grunted and said, “Emma was worried about me, and I kinda brushed her off. She sounded really upset. And I want to apologise, I really do but she hasn’t responded to any of my texts… Or maybe she won’t. I don’t know. Maybe I really screwed up this time.”

Her phone pinged.

“Or maybe you just need to calm down.” Callie glanced at the other girl’s phone. “Emma’s not the only one worried, you know. I know how important roller derby is to you, Mariana, but... “ Callie gave a shrug and a slight shake of her head, deliberately looking at her bruises, “um it’s just that I’m really happy for you to have something you really love, and I think you think that you’re not a good jammer…”

“I don’t think that!“ she blurted quickly, thumbing at a bruise on her thigh, “I - I don’t know, I just think that if I put more effort into this, it won’t turn out like STEAM again. I thought I was doing this differently, you know.” She picked up her phone and fidgeted with it absentmindedly. “All I’m doing this time is trying to focus on my own progress, and keep to myself, I guess, and to stop dragging people down with me. Even if it means extra practice and bumps.”

Callie raised her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay… I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It’s cool for you to try your best. Just… maybe you should think more about this... about what you’re doing, I guess.”

Mariana nodded, and watched Callie stand and walk out of their room. She felt small. And confused. She doesn’t know what she’s doing that was making everyone concerned, doesn’t understand what she’s doing wrong. Actually she does understand, but she doesn’t feel the concern was justified. She feels terrible for worrying Emma, Callie, and everyone else. She gets that the visible reminders of her derby practice looks painful, but it’s only a tiny bit sore. Alright, more than a tiny bit. She stood up and walked to the bathroom, looking at the mirror. Gripping her phone, she looked over her body, and determinedly considered the blue and black scattered on her skin.

“I look like shit.” She looked away. She clutched her phone tightly, then relaxed, remembering to breathe and loosened her tense posture.

Mariana unlocked her phone, and checked her messages. Her heartbeat quickened, seeing a response from Emma, from a little over a few minutes ago.

 

 **19:21 Emma:** hey. yea we can talk, maybe later tonight?

 

She typed out a short reply.

 

 **19:29 Mariana:** Yes please. At 10?

 

A message bubble popped up for a second.

 

 **19:29 Emma:** yea, 10 is good

 

She closed her eyes. Then, she put her phone away.

 

~~

 

She accepted the video chat.

“Hey, uh thanks for calling.” Her face heated up when she saw Emma in her comfy clothes; a black tank top, an oversized blue flannel over it and a glimpse of her grey sweatpants, her hair up in a messy bun, loose hairs framing her face. Emma is as beautiful as always, Mariana thought. “...Sooo, I want to apologise, I, uh, I’m sorry.” Her face scrunched up in uncertainty, “I, um feel a bit confused though. I don’t want to make you worry, but isn’t that normal? To get hurt from derby, especially if I’m doing more rounds. Shouldn’t I just suck it up? I don’t want to screw things up, you know, fail the team or something.”

Emma softly sighed. Shaking her head, she said, “You really shouldn’t apologise if you don’t get why and what you’re sorry for.” Mariana watched as the screen shook while Emma settled on her bed. They reflected each other in their positions, laying sideways on their beds, head on pillows, holding their phones to their side. Mariana wondered how Emma seemed to look flawless wherever she happened to be. “Look... you’re right. Doing these extra practices will obviously lead to more injuries,” she whispered with a tired tone into her phone, looking at Mariana’s face clad in her glasses, with a gentleness in her eyes, “but that doesn’t mean it’ll stop me from worrying.” She bit her lip, looking sheepish, “And… I’m sorry for leaving the way I did at the lockers.”

“No, I understand.” Mariana nodded softly, turning in her bed. Whispering even more softly, “I’m - I’m sorry too, for worrying you. I’ll try to be more careful, I promise.”

Mariana tapped out of the video, leaving it running in the background of her phone. She pressed on the message app, listening to Emma’s soft breathing, and typed out their usual phrase after a disagreement.

 

 **22:08 Mariana:** We still BFFs???

 **22:08 Mariana:** <3 xoxo

 

Mariana heard a huff and muffled laughter from her phone after she sent her usual set of ‘begging for forgiveness’ emojis.

“Oh my god, that’s an obscene amount of emojis, Mariana. I hope you know I’m giving you the biggest sigh internally right now.”

“You haven’t replied, you know.”

“Give me a sec, jeez, and don’t give me that pout, you baby.”

 

 **22:10 Emma:** yes of course we’re still BFFs

 **22:10 Emma:** youre such a nerd

 

“That just means you’re a nerd by association, bestieee.”

“Ugh, how did I even become friends with you.”

Mariana winked at her camera, knowing Emma would see it and be even more exasperated. Which was what happened as Emma gave a faux-glare at her, sticking her tongue out for equal measure.

 

~~

 

The video chat was still on. Mariana had closed her eyes, long into the conversation that went until midnight. They stopped talking ages ago, but neither wanted to end the call. Mariana, half-asleep and on the verge of drifting off, could hear the soft breaths from her phone, was curious to see if Emma was already asleep. But her eyelids were heavy and dragging them open seemed like too much work, and knowing her body would definitely protest that, she didn’t.

“I - “ a gentle pause, “I think I have a… a crush on you… I really really like you, Mariana.” Emma’s voice whispered so softly, Mariana barely heard her voice trembling.

But this was late at night, and Mariana was halfway into her sleep. She’s not even sure if she heard it correctly, if she even heard anything at all. And the soft voice of Emma finally lulled her into a deep sleep. With wonderful dreams of a familiar brunette girl with striking blue eyes, whisking her away into a warmness that made her heart ache.

 

~~

 

Before the morning came, a simple late-night text was waiting for Mariana for when she woke up.

 

 **01:23 Emma:** <3

 

**Author's Note:**

> um so this is my first time writing, and i honestly dont know what im doing. i definitely want to write more, which also means i wanna improve
> 
> if you have any constructive criticism, i would like some. but remember, it has to be constructive. 
> 
> and im super new to this, so it might take a while for me to apply these suggestions. and i might choose not to either. bear with me, okay? :D


End file.
